Dean Jones says:

"OK... Let's talk about your 'service record.'  As a doctoral student, you were responsible for the 'Welcoming Committee.'  Frankly, I don't think that warrants a salary adjustment above what I'm currently offering.  However, if you do something similar for our university -- welcoming new faculty such as yourself, then I might be able to adjust your teaching schedule a bit...especially in the late summer, when faculty are arriving.  I will reduce your teaching load in the summer to three summer sessions and reduce your teaching during the regular school year to four days a week.

Here is the new contract package I'd like to offer you:

**TWO guaranteed trips to conferences each year for two years

**$1,000 for software to analyze data

**$10,000 for hardware (i.e., special computer processor and other equipment)

**A nine-month salary at the 61.5 percentile

**Required to teach three summer sessions, none of which count toward your teaching load

**Four-day-a-week teaching schedule.

Your response?

1.  I accept your kind and generous offer.

2.  That is still a demanding teaching schedule!

3.  Perhaps we should discuss my research a bit more.