Dean Jones says:

"Good question:  'What am I looking for in an Assistant Professor that would justify paying a higher salary?'

Well, first and foremost, the candidate has to be an excellent teacher, as measured both by student feedback and peer reviews.

Let me look over your materials again...

(You sit in silence as he studies your file)...

Yes, I see you have excellent student evaluations and peer observations of your teaching.

I'm willing to 'take a chance' on your teaching skills being able to transfer to a new university.  I'll raise my offer from the 55th percentile to the 66th percentile. 

Your response:

1.  Is there anything else that you are looking for in an Assistant Professor?

2.  Even at the 66th percentile, you'll be getting a 'top-shelf' talent, but paying a 'bargain-basement' price.

3.  Unfortunately, even that offer does not meet my minimum requirements -- and it certainly is below my other offer.  Just to be fair to you and not to have wasted your time, what is the very best offer you can make?