Dean Jones says:

"Sorry, but we already have a graduate student organization here -- and we don't need a faculty advisor for that organization.  Frankly, we don't need a "social coordinator and planner" to help our new faculty feel welcome -- we already plan such events in the Dean's office; other 'welcome events' are found at the departmental level.  It is not something that I feel I need to pay extra for.  However, I will offer you one graduate research assistant for one year.  I hope that will satisfy your needs.

 

Here is the contract package I'd like to offer you:

**TWO guaranteed trips to a conference each year for two years

**One graduate research assistant for one year.

**$2,000 for software to analyze data

**$12,000 for hardware (i.e., special computer processor and other equipment)

**A nine-month salary at the 25th percentile. 

**Required to teach two summer sessions, none of which count toward your teaching load

**Three-day-a-week teaching schedule.

 

Your response:

1.  I accept your generous offer.

2.  I would like a graduate student grader, please.