Dean Jones says:

"Yes, certainly.  We want to enhance our college's research portfolio.

How about this idea?  Suppose that I offer you a variable salary, based on your publications and presentations?  For every high-quality refereed journal article, I will give you a bonus equivalent to +10 percentile, and for each conference presentation, I will give you a bonus equivalent to +3 percentile.   Your minimum salary will be the 25th percentile, but you can max out at the 98th percentile."

Your response:

1.  That is a clever idea.  I will accept.

2.  But to achieve the 98th percentile level would require me to publish seven refereed articles, plus one conference presentation!  Don't you think that is a bit unrealistic?

3.  I like the idea, but I think "the devil is in the details."  Perhaps there is something else that I can do to maximize my salary.