How do you understand the other person’s priorities, concerns, and interests?

One obvious, yet often overlooked, way to identify the other side’s priorities is to ask them!

Ask the other person questions designed to get at the other’s underlying interests.

Example:
	You are a junior high school teenager who wants to go to an "All-Nighter" recreational event sponsored by a local church. It will involve a youth service followed by a variety of activities at different locations in town and shuttle busses will take people from one place to another (bowling, movies, a gymnasium, etc.) and these places will stay open all night just for this group. You decide to approach your father and ask for permission to go.
	Unfortunately, your father says, "NO, you can’t go!"
	Now, you find you are in a bargaining situation. If the conversation goes the way of some teenage-parent bargaining, it degenerates into a shouting match of "I’m going anyway!" followed by, "If you go, then don’t bother to come home!" {Hmmm…wasn’t that the point of an All-Nighter? To be gone from home all night?} Instead of such a typical exchange, you have resolved to find a "win-win" solution to this problem.
	You need to discover your father’s underlying interests.
	Which question should you ask dear old dad?
		"Why not -- don’t you trust me?"
		"I’ve done all of my chores. Is there anything else you need me to do before I go?"
		"Why won’t you ever let me do anything fun?"
		"Why not? I’ve done all my homework! I even finished my seven-page term paper for History Class!"
		"Why not? What are your concerns?"

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